How to teach your child with ADHD to actually hear what you tell them

How to teach your child with ADHD to actually hear what you tell them

Students with ADHD almost always have difficulties following directions, both in and out of the classroom. Online classes result in even greater difficulties with following directions. When a child with ADHD does not accurately hear all the directions, it is virtually impossible for them to take all the needed actions and they will omit and make mistakes more often than their peers without ADHD. Additionally, processing and language issues often impact following direction abilities.

One of the challenging obstacles for our students with ADHD is that they “assume” they heard all the directions, when they likely did not. Therefore, they make errors and get easily frustrated when they do poorly on an assignment. At home the same thing happens. Parents may be telling their child with ADHD to do something, yet the child may miss part of the directions, the child may do the parts they did hear, yet the parents get upset because what was requested was only partially completed, if at all.

Some “quick tricks” to help our child with ADHD be able to follow directions.

  • When giving directions, look directly at the child and require them to be looking back at you.
  • Less words are better than using more words, keep the message very simple.
  • Color code or highlight key terms and directions.
  • Text or record directions.
  • When the child is writing down directions or an assignment, check it to make sure they correctly write the details.
  • When giving directions, put them in writing, whether it be on a piece of paper, a whiteboard, a text or email or some other creative way, don’t assume they heard you, check to be sure.
  • After giving directions, ask the child to restate the directions in their own words.
  • Parents who raise their voice, slightly (not yelling), when critical information is being presented, are consistently heard better.

And especially while at home, to help our children with ADHD do multi-step tasks:

  • Parents need to break down large jobs with multiple tasks into smaller, single steps.
  • Older students do best with a checklist, create daily checklists with the older child and have them be responsible for themselves.
  • Visual checklists may work well for younger children, use pictures to show the task you want them to perform and put them in the order you expect completion.
  • Rewards may be helpful to help stimulate internal and external motivation, keep them minimal. Rewarding is not bribing.
  • Making instructions simpler and clearer will help children with ADHD feel more responsible and become more successful at home and in school.
  • If the child gets distracted from doing a task, don’t get upset, but, redirect.

Children, teens and young adults with ADHD are not usually mean or bad, they simply struggle with attention, focus and in many cases self-regulation and executive functioning. We want them to learn how to be successful adults, therefore, it is our job to teach them the skills and strategies they will need to be happy and successful adults.

Dr. Eric J. Nach, Ph.D., M.Ed., A.S.D.C., is a Developmental and Behavioral Specialist and since 2012 has been the Founder and President of the Support for Students Growth Center in Boca Raton, FL, where they provide social, academic, behavioral and emotional support services online Nationwide.

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Transitioning Back into School Online and at Home Part 2

Transitioning Back into School Online and at Home

Part 2

Daily routines and schedules are an essential part of success for entering back into a regular school routine. For those students who are going to be doing school online or in some form of a hybrid model, planning to enhance executive functions by helping the student be organized, plan ahead, initiate and follow through on assignments and much more is needed.  For those students who have challenges in being and remaining focused and those who struggle with learning, the development of a successful plan is critical.

Our students have entered a school year with many unknowns. As many students with ADHD, autism spectrum disorders and learning disorders may be limited in their ability to be flexible, parents want to build a predictable structure at home.

Several components of this home “structure” should be:

  1. Set the school day up according to the same amount of time a regular class may be, included short breaks into the day after each subject. If the student is mature enough, they can schedule the times of classes starting and ending and breaks into their phone or tablets.
  2. Establish planned physical activity. We want the student, who is learning at home even more than in a traditional school environment, to have the ability to get up and move around and to have a physical outlet to better help them manage their stress and anxiety.
  3. Preplan times for the students to interact with peers, if safe to do so, then in person by following guidelines including distancing, wearing masks and using hand sanitizer. If additional physical distancing is necessary then parents and more mature students may want to set up virtual “play dates” and “hangouts” with peers.
  4. Encourage students to have direct contact with their teachers and trusted other adults who support them, on a regular basis, schedule this into their weekly routine.
  5. Be as open as grade and age appropriate with the student. When changes need to occur, help the student plan for unexpected changes. Leave communication open, we want to encourage the student to advocate for themselves and ask for clarification when uncertain of situations.

Dr. Eric J. Nach, Ph.D., M.Ed., A.S.D.C., is a Developmental and Behavioral Specialist and since 2012 has been the Founder and President of the Support for Students Growth Center in Boca Raton, FL, where they provide social, academic, behavioral and emotional support services online Nationwide.

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A Peek Inside Support for Students Growth Center

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Transitioning Back into School Online and at Home Part 1

Transitioning Back into School Online and at Home

Part 1

Online schooling at home is not ideal for students who have attentional/focusing and learning challenges. The key to navigating the following school year for most students is going to take a combination of managing stress and anxiety and developing systems to be organized and manage their time. Parents will need to be proactive and plan to put in support systems, be realistic with expectations and be creative in how to help their children be successful with their academics, social, behavioral, physiological, spiritual and emotional development.

The 4th quarter of the 2019-2020 school year found much of the Country and much of the world shifting from in person classes to at home, online classes virtually overnight. Teachers were not trained or prepared nor were students and parents and no one knew what to expect, day-to-day. Fortunately, teachers and students and their peers did know each other already.

As we enter the 2020-2021 school year, most students and teachers will be starting the year off similar to the way last year ended, with a significant difference. The change is expectations, last year was a “patch job”, a “band-aid” with little expectations, this year teachers are better prepared and students and parents will be held even more accountable to “get to class” and get the work done, on time. However, the students and the teachers, mostly, will not know each other already.

Students that have IEP’s and 504 Plans or those who should have them are going to be exceptionally challenged going into this unique start of the school year. Students who learn a-bit differently than their peers will be unknown to their teachers. Parents and students will have to advocate to the teachers to get their needs met. Support services and accommodations and modifications provided in school along with auxiliary services will be challenging to obtain.

The next few blog articles I write over the coming weeks will have scientifically-based interventions and suggestions to help our students decrease anxiety, increase their self-advocacy skills and develop their executive functioning skills (time management, organization, avoiding procrastination, etc). In the meantime, I suggest parents and students work on connecting with teachers, provide the student a dedicated “school” area and parents, write your child’s teachers a 1-page letter giving them insight into your child’s strengths and challenges, open that line of communication NOW!

Dr. Eric J. Nach, Ph.D., M.Ed., A.S.D.C., is a Developmental and Behavioral Specialist and since 2012 has been the Founder and President of the Support For Students Growth Center in Boca Raton, FL, where they provide social, academic, behavioral and emotional support services online Nationwide.

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FALL Social Skills, (ages 4 into 20’s) , Adapted for Time of Pandemic

FALL Social Skills, (ages 4 into 20's) , Adapted for Time of Pandemic

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How Parents Can Support College Students Online Learning

The COVID-19 Pandemic is not gone yet, so how can you, as a parent, support your child as they start all online college courses? First ask yourself this. Do they have a calm and quite place to attend class via zoom or another online platform? The environment your child works in is very important and can impact their performance in school. There are two ways this can go let’s look at them both.

Alexa is enrolled in her first year of college, virtually.

Algebra 1 is the first class that she will attend via zoom Monday’s and Wednesday’s from 10:30 AM until 12PM.

Alexa is sharing the desktop which is in the common area of the family’s home.

At 8:20 AM Alexa starts to get ready for class and heads to the desktop to see her little sister playing games and refuses to leave the desktop.

Alex ais now late to log on, irritated and distracted.

Can this scenario happen in your home? If yes, then let’s discuss some solutions. One of the most important things that students want from their parent’s is respect and dignity (even though they may not reciprocate well). Young adults want to know their parents respect their time and space. The best way to give them the support they need is by showing initiative to give it to them. For example, sit down with them and plan out a schedule that says when they need the family workspace to be open and empty for them to use. In the time that they are using the space, family and all other distractions or interruptions will not be permitted. Plan ahead to make this so.

Another common situation is

Jared has a zoom class Tuesday’s and Thursday’s from 11:30AM to 1PM.

Jared’s mom comes barging into his room 5 minutes after his class is over to see if he is done with his work.

Jared responds with “I’m almost done with my notes from class I’m going to complete today’s assignment after I’m done.”

* 1 hour later *

Jared’s mom comes in to talk about how she is worried he is going to fail because she sees that he isn’t completing his work. She says that he isn’t dedicated to school.

Have you had this conversation with your child before? The one thing students need is to be treated more like adults. Students have made it clear that they want less support and more distance. No more hovering asking about every assignment they are given. They have been doing it in school alone for a while, don’t treat this any different. Your college-age child is grateful for everything you do, although they may not be able to show it. Sometimes both parent and young adult need to communicate their needs of one another.

For young adults attending college for the first time or taking classes online for the first time, who, could be characterized as having anxiety or depression, being “gifted”, have ADHD, autism or “Asperger’s”, or have learning, behavior, or emotional challenges, may have additional challenges in a virtual world. Help is available.

Your kids don’t deserve to struggle this school year. Visit our website, then call or email us to discover how the Support For Students Growth Center can help.

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Compromise or Giving in?

Compromise or Giving in?

Is the pandemic wearing the family down?  Do you find yourself giving in to the kids for everything just to avoid conflict?

Are there long-term effects of your short-term solutions of giving in?  Is it compromise or giving in?

Compromising means settling a dispute with a mutual agreement. By parents giving in to what the child wants, does that mean it’s necessarily what is best for your child? Oftentimes not.  When the child is young and you give in to their every whim, it sets the tone for how they deal with your decisions as they age.

When evaluating whether you are compromising or giving in let’s look at the 4 R’s.

  1. Rewards-Make decisions that are beneficial for you and your child. If both you and the child do not benefit, it may be giving in.
  1. Responsibilities-Members of the family should have their age and grade appropriate roles and responsibilities. Parents who use healthy modeling are helping their young children early on, learn what their responsibilities are as a contributor to the family.
  1. Risk-Decisions made should never put the child at risk. For example, riding their skateboard outside when there is lightning storm going on.  Even though a parent may have told the child to come inside and the child chose to stay out and skate, this decision is a “risk” behavior. If a “risk” behavior is not met with an immediate and impactful consequence, the child may continue behaving in risky behaviors. This is an at-risk situation for the child and perhaps those around them.

As the adult, you set the boundaries, not the child.  By giving in, the child learns how to not have limits, in turn, promoting reckless behavior. Additionally, consider yourself, your family and others to keep the child from interpersonal harm when evaluating risk.

  1. Relationships– In parent-child relationships there is always give and take. Compromise is not the same as giving in or manipulating behavior, compromise is mutually beneficial, healthy behaviors.

Compromise involves the first three r’s, rewards, responsibilities and risk. When we compromise it can actually improve relationships and promote healthy decisions for the family.  It’s a great way to enhance structure and communication in your home.

(Pickhardt, 2012)

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Camp Flyer 2020

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An Open Letter to Parents

Dear Parents and Colleagues– I want to share this letter I received from one of our parents who brings her elementary school aged son to us to help with his executive functioning, anxiety and behavior challenges, I think many of you can relate. Dr. Nach, Pres., Support for Students Growth Center

May 5, 2020

Growing up and into my adult life, I took the ability to plan, organize, and execute tasks for granted. This came naturally to me so I assumed that it also came naturally to everyone else. It wasn’t until my son was born that that I began to see things differently. My son is extremely bright, but he has his challenges. As he grew older and school became more difficult, he began to exhibit an increase in non-compliant behavior and have tantrums in school. His teachers and school administrators worked with us to try to determine what was triggering his behaviors and develop strategies to overcome them. The strategies developed helped to improve some of the behaviors but he was still struggling with controlling his outbursts in class. I knew he was able to do the work and began to suspect his behavior was manifesting as a result of anxiety.

The recent school closures due to COVID-19 and working with my son through eLearning was an eye opener. I began to see firsthand how he approached his school work, what triggered his non-compliant behavior, and what his coping mechanisms were. When given an assignment where he was asked to provide answers that required more than a single sentence or where he had to give examples and provide evidence from text he read or different sources, he would stare at the blank sheet of paper in front of him and not know where to begin. I witnessed him grow increasingly frustrated and agitated with himself and the assignment. This would inevitably result in a tantrum. When the tantrum passed and he was ready to return to work, I would sit with him and ask him questions to draw the information out and organize his thoughts. It was apparent that he understood the assignment, had the information needed, and knew what he wanted to say. What he couldn’t do, was get his thoughts out or get them organized. Then it clicked. He wasn’t lazy, bored in class, or a behavior problem. He was frustrated and did not know how to figure out a solution. What I took for granted and came so easily to me was a struggle for my son. I realized that not everyone has strong executive function skills. How could it be expected of him to be able to plan, organize, or structure his thoughts when he has never been taught how to do this? I am grateful for this realization as now I know how to help my son and find resources that will empower him.

A feeling empowered mom, Shirley A.
Boca Raton, Florida

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Social Skills Groups

Virtual – Nationwide – Proven Social Skills Groups

(since 2012)

Now is the time to help ensure your children will experience success, socially and emotionally, while practicing “physical distancing”.

By Learning and Practicing how to Communicate and Socialization they will feel Empowered now and when they are around their peers, in person, once again.

Each group meeting includes a “Parent Component” to empower parents with “TOOLS” to help empower their children.

Due to the current COVID-19 situation we will continue offering virtual-groups in the safety and convenience of your own home, now and throughout the summer. Over a dozen unique groups, for children, teens and young adults, who may have:

ADHD,
High-Functioning Autism
“Asperger’s”,
“Giftedness”
and/or
Social Anxiety

You can count on our programs continuing to run “virtually” throughout the summer and year-round.

To sign-up or if you have questions simply contact Paula at 561-990-7305 or text 954-290-9612.

Summer Special

11 consecutive group sessions for the price of 10 for $700. (Reg. $770)

With the added hardship many families are experiencing due to COVID-19, we would like to offer new participants a cost-free initial consultation*.  Please phone, text or email to schedule a ZOOM or phone consultation with Dr. Eric Nach.

*New participants must schedule a virtual placement interview to ensure proper group placement.

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