DOES YOUR TEEN ACT LIKE THEY HATE YOU?

Does your teen look at you like you have six heads when you talk to them?

Do you come home from work and find them locked behind their bedroom door?

If the answer is YES, you are not alone.  Somewhere during the transition into being teenagers, kids start locking their doors.

Is this a typical scenario in your house?

Parent: “Hi, I’m home where have you been all day. I called you a few times….”  As she tries to open teens door.

Teen: “I was busy”

Parent: “Why is your door locked? Can I come in?”

Teen: “Is there something you need? I’m busy.”

Parent:” Did you at least do your homework?”

Teen: Lies to parent “I did it already, leave me alone!”

Parent: Bangs on door and angerly walks away

In this scenario, you likely will walk away hurt and concerned or even angry over the situation. Or you may lose your cool. On the other hand, if you are brave enough to push your way into the room, through the abyss, you are likely to find some troubling things. Laundry piled knee high, half-filled drinking cups, empty bags of chips and an occasional pizza box hiding in the closet.  YES, this is typical teenage behavior! What matters here is your reaction to what you find in the cave your teenager is hunkering down in.

Sometimes this behavior can make parents feel like their teen hates them.  Do you see a drastic change in their behavior when you are around or signs of resentment? Let’s look at some actions that may suggest your teen may be struggling with being teenagers:

• Little to no communication
• Locking themselves in their room
• Spending most of their time in their room or in a different room then you
• Responds in a reactive way
• Anger or rage toward you
• Hiding what they are doing with their technology and “screens” from you

Your Solution 

This is where parenting survival skills need to be exercised. Communication and listening! How you approach the situation is very important. You want to be very calm and open when going to talk with your teen. All a teen ever wants is to feel like they can trust their parents, be valued by their peers and not be judged. If you come into the conversation asking how they are feeling and what is bothering them and what you can do to help, they will most likely respond open hearted (when they are ready) and more willing to share, if you come in demanding answers for why their behavior has changed they will likely respond in a negative way.

Parents want their teen to feel like they are willing to listen to their struggles. The take away are, relax and let go of the things that aren’t as important as everything else like the dirty cups and laundry. Try to focus on what really matters communication and active listening, we all just want to be heard without judgement. Most importantly, balancing privacy and protection, there needs to be a healthy balance between trusting our teens judgment and knowing what’s going on in their lives.

“The suggestions above are not, of course, to be followed rigidly. Each child is an individual with unique needs and abilities and must be treated as such. Therefore, the information provided should be adapted and modified depending on the needs and abilities of each child, with professional assistance if warranted”. Dr. Nach

Works Cited

Frank, C. (2011, August 22). 5 Teen Behavior Problems: A Troubleshooting Guide.Retrieved from Grow by WebMD: https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/behavior-problems#1

Metro Parent Editorial. (2020, March 6). Teen Privacy: The Closed-Door Policy .Retrieved from metroparent.com: https://www.metroparent.com/daily/parenting/tweens-teens/closed-door-policy/

(Metro Parent Editorial, 2020)

(Frank, 2011)

New young adult social skills group!

Join us for our newest
Therapeutic Social Skills Group
for young adults
ages 16 – mid 20’s.
Our newest group will be meeting on Tuesday nights from 6:45-7:45 PM, beginning on February 25th.

We have 13 (11+2 New) different groups that meet ona weekly basis.

• All groups are based on age, ability and needs.(ages 4-mid 20’s)
• All groups meet on a specific day and time each week throughout the school year.
• All groups are staffed on a 3:1 basis (only licensed and Master or Doctoral level counselors)
• All groups include a “Weekly Topic Update” for parents.
• All groups are selected from a bank of over 90 different topics Dr. Nach has created and re-created over the past 2 decades.
• All new participants are required to schedule an initial consultation with Dr. Nach, to ensure proper placement in our groups.
• Parents support provided with each group.

Through BRAINSTORMING, modeling, role-playing, video-modeling and cooperative activities, participants IMPROVE:

• Making and Nurturing Friendships
• Flexibility and Frustration Tolerance
• Attention and Focus
• Self-Esteem and Confidence
• Impulse Control
• Problem-solving Skills
• Decision-making Skills
• Conflict Resolution Skills and Relaxation Skills
• Conversation and Assertiveness Skills

HOW TO FIGHT FEAR AND ANXIETY

Everyone has faced some kind of fear and anxiety at some point in their lives. It could be on things like sitting for an examination, preparing to speak to peers, getting to an interview and other examples. How you deal with these fears and anxieties greatly determines how successful you will become. When left to grow, anxiety and fears can become a huge hindrance and prevent you from achieving your maximum potential while also limiting the quality of your life. For those who have to manage some form of anxiety related feelings there are ways to manage and cure anxiety.

For common fears and anxiety here are some effective tips on how to manage them:

1. Take Time Out

Whether it is an exam you want to take or a presentation, when panic sets in, you can hardly think right and you will only make errors or rushed judgements. The first thing you should do when you are overly anxious is to take some time out to physically calm down before proceeding. Distract yourself whether it is by talking to someone, walking around the block, making something to drink, taking a shower, exercise or many other activities that will take your mind away from your present or near future situation. This will refresh you physically and mentally and you can proceed with calm knowing the right thing to do.

2. Breathe Through the Panic

This is very important especially if the panic sets in when you are somewhere you cannot take a break. This could be on a journey, on stage, through a presentation or while talking with peers and other such like situations. When you feel yourself getting a faster heartbeat and your palms are sweating, remain calm and place your hand over your abdomen; breathe deeply and slowly through it. This helps your mind cope with such situations as you build your inner strength. Knowing you maintained calm in such a previous situation will help you handle future situations better.

3. Face Your Fears

Whatever it is that leads to fear attacks and anxiety, it can only fade and diminish in its intimidation if you face it. Whether is a test or lesson, stepping into your boss’ or professors office to talk about your promotion or grade, joining the drama club or any other group you fear joining, get in and give it your best shot and you will be mostly surprised with the outcome. More importantly you will realize that you always have the ability to take charge of your fears.

4. Don’t Chase Perfection

It is very easy to be fearful and anxious if you keep on looking for perfection. Always give your best and look for outside constructive feedback. Most of the time you are your own most critical judge and this can inhibit your growth. Understand there will be bad days and setbacks but the good days and triumphs will be many. This will ensure that you outgrow your own fears.

5. Sleep Well, Eat Well and Exercise

There is nothing that helps you beat a day’s tension or prepare for each day better than a good night’s sleep. It is relaxing and refreshing so get enough of it – a minimum of five hours for adults and eight hours for those under 18. Get enough exercise too and eat a healthy diet with plenty of fruits and greens which keep you refreshed and not dulled down by a fading metabolism.

Dr. Eric Nach, Ph.D., M.Ed., A.S.D. Cert. Developmental and Behavioral Specialist and Associates

Info@SupportForStudentsGrowthCenter.com    www.SupportForStudentsGrowthCenter.com

For more information about Dr. Nach’s Online Resources and how to enroll, visit our website at: http://drnachonline.com/